How Lucky Am I?

So, silly as it sounds, everyone apparently needs a 4 hour window to be a puddle.  That was my Sunday evening... 

But, thanks to this wonderful man...

reminding me that I am perfect to these two perfect little girls: 

My beautiful little scientist...

and my darling little diva...

Just their smiles and little giggles makes everything so clear.  

I am who I am, and if I were anyone different, I wouldn't be so blessed to have this: 

Thank you for that- Yeah, thanks.

I've been sitting here with tears pouring down my cheeks for two hours... thank you for that. 


I've had years and years and years of body image issues... thanks for that. 


I've wasted years of my life worrying about how I can impress you... thank you for that.  


I've spent days and moments not feeling pretty, when I really am... thanks for that.


My heart has felt cracked and broken ever sense I was ten... thank you for that.  


Will I ever heal- I'm certainly not sure about that.  How can someone so influential in your life make you feel like such CRAP?  Make you feel like you'll never measure up???  Make you feel like such a black sheep that you cut yourself out of everyone's lives???  


Let me tell ya, you've never been "thin".  Not in my lifetime.  So you know what- SHOW ME how you want me to be.  Be that "Model".  


I am sooooooo angry right now- so angry I want to vomit- would that make you happy?  Would that make me the "perfect" everyone else seems to be.  


Know what, I have a very big disdain for you.  Hell if I am going to let my children even be influenced by the hurt you instill.  


Funny thing is- YOU AREN'T perfect-  the words that cross your lips- they are DAGGERS- and they have always been.  You have no regard for the hurt you bestow.  


So here's what I am gonna do- I am going to rebuild that wall.  I am going to make sure that every crack and hole I tried to break down to give you the benefit of the doubt is closed.  Nope you are NEVER EVER EVER getting back in.